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Weekend Entertainment Series – Colgate tự trào

Nhân dịp Valentine 2011, có bài thơ nửa trêu chọc, nửa câu kéo hộ các anh giai single ở Colgate chơi 😀 Happy Valentine everyone ^^

Sáng dậy choàng ôm nắng,
Tối về bước cùng trăng,
Đi giữa tuyết giăng giăng,
Nhưng mà sao . . . vẫn thiếu.

Những anh chàng khó hiểu,
Càng ra vẻ thờ ơ
Chơi nhạc với làm thơ,
Đi gym rồi đá bóng.

Nhưng mỗi chiều đổ bóng,
Nắng trĩu cả một bên,
Chẳng có gì tựa lên,
Cứ chênh vênh giữa nắng.

Thơ không người đề tặng,
Điện thoại chẳng nhắn tin,
Tối tối, cứ nằm im,
Không thèm rung, thèm động.

Ôi, mối tình trong mộng!
Ở đâu? Là ở đâu?
Sao mi chẳng đến mau,
Ta còn ra thư viện . . .

(Feb. 11, in Alternative Energy class.)

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This is the fourth part of my ongoing self-satirical Colgate series, friendly dubbed Weekend Entertainment. You’re a Colgate kid? You’ll sure be on my series one day. See more at:

Weekend Entertainment (Part 1) – Colgate Visit, or Hiep Tran the playboy.

Weekend Entertainment (Part 2) – Hieu Luu ♥ Hien Trang one-year anniversary

Weekend Entertainment (Part 3) – The Secret of a Family Plan, or Nam Kiều the love bug.

Weekend Entertainment (Part 4) – Valentine 2011 – Thiêu thiếu

Khi phải tiếp quản việc chi tiêu của Family Plan vì Nam Kiều kì này study abroad ở UK, tôi chẳng thế biết mình sẽ phát hiện nhiều điều bí mật dấu kín và quên lãng lâu nay . . .

 

 

Memorandum:

To: Colgate Vietnamese Student fake Association.
From: Anh Le, Interim Managerial Administrative Associate Executive Officer, Phone Family Plan Inc.
Subject: Monthly Assessment of Volume of Short Message Service (SMS) transmitted.

(Refer to the attached chart for corresponding details.)
Source: American Telephone & Telegraph. Bill Summary Service. Oct. 2, 2009. <https://www.wireless.att.com/view/billPayReflectionAction&gt;.

Below is a thorough investigation into the volume of communication conducted by Nam Kieu, Former Managerial Administrative Associate Executive Officer, Phone Family Plan Inc., in the form of SMS, which transpired during the period Dec. ’08 – May. ’09. The data is juxtaposed with that of Anh Le, Incumbent Managerial Administrative Associate Executive Officer, Phone Family Plan Inc., to provide an accurate apprehension of scale.

Analysis of Nam Kieu’s traffic:

– Oct. ’08 and Nov. ’08: Life is boring still … The highly suppressed traffics of SMS observed in both cases insinuates that Nam Kieu and Anh Le were in comparable situation, i.e. hem có người yêu.
– Dec. ’08: A sudden influx of transmission heralded change, yet not much.
– Jan. ’09: The volume of Nam Kieu’s correspondence abruptly skyrocketed to 135. Evidences strongly suggested his increased dụ hàng activities during Winter Break.
– Feb. ’09: The level of transmission dropped unexpectedly to 37. Probably dụ mãi mà hàng hem về.
– Mar. ’09: A dream bordered on actuality. Does 106 messages a month during school session suggest the presence of a girl friend? Inconclusively so. But the euphoria written all over his face clearly does.
– Apr. ’09: OMFG! 288 msg/ month? 9.6 msg/day? (not to mention they often fight, i.e. no texting for half the month.) I suppose such voluminous amount of correspondence would include such intimate details of one’s life, e.g. “Anh xuống (đồi) đây, em.” “Anh chuẩn bị lên (đồi) em nhé” “Thê bây giờ em thích anh lên hay xuống?”
– May. ’09: Before summer hit he managed to transmit 166 messages still. Summer was exciting after all. Can finally touch, (oops I mean meet), her.

Analysis of Anh Le’s traffic:
– Past to Oct. ’08 to Present: hem có người yêu.

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This is the third part of my ongoing self-satirical Colgate series, friendly dubbed Weekend Entertainment. You’re a Colgate kid? You’ll sure be on my series one day. See more at:

Weekend Entertainment (Part 1) – Colgate Visit, or Hiep Tran the playboy.

Weekend Entertainment (Part 2) – Hieu Luu ♥ Hien Trang one-year anniversary

Weekend Entertainment (Part 3) – The Secret of a Family Plan, or Nam Kiều the love bug.

Valentine 2009, Hiền Trang đón máy bay từ Virginia lên chốn Colgate xa xôi để gặp Hiếu Lưu và để nướng bánh chocolat kỉ niệm 1 năm hai người yêu nhau. Quá cảm động (cứ như thể là bánh cho mình), tớ làm tặng hai người bài thơ kể lại mối tình trong sáng ấy.


Hà Minh Tân*, một chiều đông trắng tuyết
Bỗng rực hồng vì nick sáng tên em
Thấy roommate ôm gái cũng chẳng thèm
Miễn có em là lòng yên ả lạ.

Nhưng ô kìa, hôm nay em lạ quá
Chẳng nói cười chỉ lẳng lặng làm duyên
Mi khẽ chớp mà nổi sóng dìm thuyền
Tôi mất lái, chết chìm trong mắt ấy

Tôi ngỡ ngàng nên nhìn mà chẳng thấy
Tai có nghe mà chẳng hiểu điều chi
Tâm con gái khó hơn SAT.
Thi thử trăm lần vẫn cứ là mới học!

Em dịu hiền chợt nhuốm màu bực dọc
“Cái thằng ngu! Học Colgate mà ngu!
Tôi biết anh cận nhưng nào ngỡ anh mù,
Nhìn tờ lịch không hiểu gì hết ráo?!?”

Tôi cười độ lượng, nhìn bé em mếu máo
Đặt môi hôn nồng cháy lên màn hình (đang chat mà!_lời tác giả)
Gửi email kẹp một lá thư tình
Tay mạnh mẽ nhưng dịu dàng . . . nắm chuột

Mắt em lệ nhòa bỗng thành trong suốt
Nhìn thật sâu như cởi áo tim tôi
Nhìn thật lâu như âu yếm rình mồi
“Em cũng thế! Cũng yêu anh, ngốc ạ!”

Giây phút ấy cả thế giới vỡ òa
Đến Wall Street cũng bỗng thành vô nghĩa
Math, Econs cũng hóa là chuyện bịa
Chỉ đôi mình là có thật mà thôi . . . ! ! ! !

* Hamilton.

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This is the second part of my ongoing self-satirical Colgate series, friendly dubbed Weekend Entertainment. You’re a Colgate kid? You’ll sure be on my series. See more at:

Weekend Entertainment (Part 1) – Colgate Visit, or Hiep Tran the playboy.

Weekend Entertainment (Part 2) – Hieu Luu ♥ Hien Trang one-year anniversary.

I arrived at Colgate last Sunday afternoon. The taxi dropped me right in front of the Admissions Office, an ancient building, which distinguishes itself from the rest of the campus by much resemblance to a castle with towers, the kind that we sometimes see in children books.

“Ha, so this is where they decide my fate”, I thought to myself. The sight of the building and memories of months of application provoked an ambivalent feelings within me: I used to see it as something to conquer, but now, it was standing there, close, friendly, and cryptically beautiful, and was going to be part of my life.

Anyhow, it was the Admissions Office who decided to accept me and who was so generous to pay all the expenses, making my trip to Colgate a pleasant surprise. I have a lot to tell right now, for the three days I spent at Colgate were unusually eventful. There was gorgeous campus, excellent food, interesting people. I may choose to narrate these stories in a factual manner; but you know my style: I favor small, witty anecdotes.

So if you want numbers and data about Colgate, talk to U.S. news. If you prefer my storytelling, then stick around, and entertain yourself.

The Admissions Office was close, so I walked to the library, where I was supposed to meet Mr.Nam Kieu (well, too bad this is America, Kieu Phuong Nam doesn’t exist anymore, so familiarize yourself with Nam Kieu.) He walked me through the campus to his dorm, and gave me the first chance of catching a glimpse at Colgate campus, which was proudly advertised to be one of the ten most beautiful in America.

And I had no intention to disagree. The campus spread on several hills, which made every step of yours a pleasure of discovering when the outline of buildings on the other hillside slowly arose from hilltop, blurred, and melted right into the background of the dusky sky. Of course it was breathtakingly beautiful, for it was not just a single antique building, nor just a single hill covered with utmost greenness, nor just a single picturesque view; they all came together and mix into such a pleasure to the eyes.

It was quite late already, so we headed to the Dining Hall. Colgate gives every freshman unlimited access to the Dining Hall, plus $200 to buy food at old-fashioned order-at-table restaurant. What words can possibly describe the joy that the sight of food, and not just food, but tasty, sweet-smelling, mouth-watering food, laid all over? The menu changed everyday, but there were always a salad bar, a grill bar, appetizer, two kinds of soup, not to mention various kinds dessert, fruit, drinks, and ice cream. I loaded my plate with lasagna, meat balls, and deluged them with thick tomato sauce, which bore the sweet-promising red, and dotted with the subtle green of flavor vegetables. What else did I eat the next three days I cannot remember, for every time I walked into the Frank Dining Hall, I was drowned in ecstasy. Thick, sophisticatedly creamy broccoli soup. Tasty, sensually crunchy french fries. Saucy, Chinese-style vegetables served with exquisitely soft brown rice. Everything just melted into one another, and begot an excessive indulgence for my spoiled taste buds.

So we have beautiful campus, delicious food. Let’s add the final embellishment with this small and cute fact that Mr.Hiệp Trần delightfully informed me. “Colgate seemed to have strong preference for beautiful girls”, he said. Well, since I came to the U.S., I had heard this mischievous comment quite often from our Vietnamese guys, so this time I voiced my major concern:
– “Thế ông anh tưởng là đớp được gái ở đây thật đấy chắc?” (let’s keep it verbatim for the sake of self-derision.)
– “Đớp được chứ sao không?”, he smirked so confidently that I couldn’t help visualizing him in the mid act of “đớp”.

So the next five minutes he lectured me of how to đớp American chicks. “Get involved in activities”, he said “And seize the chance when she shows any hints of interest.” Eloquently he convinced me that yes, we do have a chance to đớp them. And as though his rhetoric wasn’t convincing enough, the whim of fate attested to his strategy by dragging me into the role of witnessing his đớp technique. While we was walking out of his room, him bragging about the ladies of his dorm, we came across one girl in the narrow hallway. Yes, she was such a pleasure to the eyes but also a pain to the neck (guess why?). Seizing the chance, Mr.Hiệp Trần did just like he told me. He introduced me to the girl, which I doubted to be more a prelude for his ingenious plan than a kindness to me. Then he pulled his hands out of his pockets, holding an invitation to his concert, in such a swift and decisive manner as if previously planned:
– “Georgia, Ashley might tell you about this already, but I wanted to invite you to my music concert.” He ended the sentence gently inviting, with a smile whose charm I dare not judge, for I don’t possess the ladies’ eyes.

– “Oh, she didn’t tell me about that. Thank you so much.” She replied, and in the process slightly stood on her toes, heaving up and down in the gaily charming way that resembled a little girl’s. I wasn’t really looking, fearing that I might interfere with his clever scheme, yet I fancied that she did smile back to him, a warm and inviting smile that was just enough to prove his manly capability.

I was impressed. Really.

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This is one part of my ongoing self-satirical Colgate series, friendly dubbed Weekend Entertainment. It’s a cherished and much anticipated Colgate tradition (of laughing at people). ha ha.